Throughout his life, Arthur was never considered a drinker, except for the occasional glass of wine at restaurants. Similar to other men whose wives were in charge of making plans, Arthur now found himself often home and lonely, during times he normally would have been out with his wife. In time, he grew more depressed and isolated.
Somewhere along the line, Arthur discovered the solace provided by a late afternoon drink. The daily drink helped him get through the twilight hours, which were some of the worst for Arthur and he naturally liked the relief this provided. Given his accomplishments and his reputation as a solid contributor to his family and the community, nobody would fault his newfound tradition.
Soon Arthur found his drink time coming earlier and earlier with the passing months, which left room for a second drink before getting ready for bed. On some occasions, Arthur would find himself exceeding his self-imposed two-drink limit.
Arthur’s daughter became increasingly more concerned when her nightly check-in telephone calls were met with discombobulated conversations and slurred speech. Her immediate reaction was surely her father had a stroke. Naturally, she insisted on taking Arthur to the hospital to be looked over. When his examination revealed a clean bill of health she dropped the investigation.
It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later when Arthur’s daughter decided to surprise her father, with bringing him dinner, when the truth was revealed. When she entered his apartment she discovered her father passed out on the couch with an empty scotch bottle at his side.
Not wanting to confront her father she carefully woke him up as if nothing was wrong and set the table for dinner. Later that evening she told her husband and younger brother what she had discovered earlier.
Having found South Florida Intervention through a friend she reached out for help. We discussed her father’s situation and I shared with her that alcoholism and addiction are so prevalent among older adults that many treatment centers now offer programs designed for this demographic.
After discussing this at length we agreed an intervention and residential treatment are the appropriate next steps. Because Arthur would be going to rehab locally, I met with his family to tour the facility and make sure they were comfortable with the recommendation. Seeing the rehab center was a huge relief to them. Now they could confidently tell their father about the great place they were sending him.
Despite carefully planning the intervention it kicked off unexpectedly when Arthur showed up forty-five minutes early. Some interventions are less elegant than we hoped for, but only so much can be controlled.
Unlike other interventions, Arthur wasn’t quite sure what was happening and required an explanation of the forthcoming events. Arthur immediately protested and denied the possibility of him being an alcoholic. He said the idea of him being a problem drinker is preposterous and insulting.
I prepared the family in advance that Arthur’s first reaction would most likely be denial driven by shame and embarrassment. We knew this intervention would require patience and it would be better to help him conclude on his own terms that he needed help.
Arthur is the kind of man that responds to reason, so we provided him compelling facts. For instance, up to fifteen percent of the population doesn’t start drinking until they are what is considered an older adult. The number of Americans diagnosed with alcoholism is estimated to reach over 5.5 million by 2020.
According to one source drinking problems among those entering their golden years are sometimes overlooked or even misdiagnosed. The symptoms of depression – insomnia, mood swings, and anxiety – can mirror the warning signs of alcoholism. Substance abuse screenings are rarely part of annual physical exams, making it more challenging to detect the early signs of a potential drinking problem.
Recent studies suggest women may be more susceptible to alcoholism later in life than men, and seniors, in general, are more prone to life-threatening conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, cardiovascular problems and certain types of cancer when combined with excessive drinking.
I explained the insidious nature of addiction to Arthur and I could see him nodding his head in agreement as I continued on. We talked about the effects of alcoholism on family members, especially his six grandchildren. The idea he could be doing his grandkids such a disservice softened his demeanor and ultimately provided him a reason to accept treatment.
After agreeing with nothing left to hide, Arthur admitted how lonely he had been feeling these last couple of years. “Ever since Marsha died I just haven’t had much to look forward to,” he acknowledged. “I started seeing my own death as a near term reality and not something way out in the future like I used to,” he continued.
Arthur's transition into the rehab center was smooth and he was happy to see other men his age. This is a big consideration when placing older adults in treatment; you can’t put a 75-year-old Navy veteran with alcohol use disorder with a 21-year-old heroin addict or perhaps even a 35-year-old professional who has been fighting the old guard her whole career to get ahead. The placement has to make sense for the patient, or it’s another barrier to get over or another excuse to use not to get sober.
Arthur’s time at the rehab center was productive as he came to realize many things about himself. He attended grief counseling and talked about his late parents and of course Marsha. There were feelings he had suppressed deep inside himself years prior.
His children and their spouses attended a week-long family program, which helped them understand the disease of addiction. Further, this assisted in healing some repressed memories from his childhood, which included his mother’s sudden death. Addiction is a family disease that affects far more than just the victim, so this work is necessary if real recovery is to take place.
After being discharged from treatment Arthur fell in with a group of older men in recovery. Many of which shared similar paths as Arthur. Many grew up in New York or New Jersey, and had parents who immigrated to the United States from Europe during World War II.
Being an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous gave Arthur purpose and being part of something positive. There he was able to do service and help others starting their journey in sobriety. Seldom does Arthur eat dinner alone or not have an AA related activity requiring his attention.
“It’s the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous that gave me life in sobriety; treatment just prepared me for that life,” Arthur likes to say nowadays. His only regret is that Marsha isn’t there to see how well he’s doing and the families he’s helped along the way.
CLIENT NAME: Arthur
AGE & GENDER: 72 YO; Male
OCCUPATION: Retired business owner & NAVY Veteran
DIAGNOSIS: Alcoholic
TREATMENT: 30 days of residential treatment Older Adults Program
CURRENT STATUS: Recovering
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]]>Meredith grew up in an upper-middle class family on Long Island. She achieved excellent grades in high school, attended college at Syracuse University and law school at the American College of Law in Washington, D.C..
Graduating near the top of her class, Meredith was rewarded with a position in the Washington, D.C. office of a prestigious multinational law firm. She worked long hours and seldom had time for herself.
Four years into her career Meredith met her husband, Brian, also a successful attorney at a prestigious Washington law firm. A couple of years after getting married they decided it was time to start building a family. Along with this decision came the understanding that Meredith would stay home to raise the children, while her husband continued working.
This arrangement suited both, for a few years, until Meredith started feeling left behind. Her husband continued climbing the rungs of success and traveling around the world, while Meredith held the less gratifying job of tending to the children and running errands.
When the children started school full time Meredith discovered a glass of wine at lunch would ease her feelings of boredom and quelle the resentment that had been simmering inside of her for sometime.
Soon the single glass of wine at lunch turned into a second glass in the afternoon, and another while the children ate dinner. In the span of less than one year Meredith was drinking quite frequently and hiding the evidence.
It wasn’t until Meredith’s husband received a call from the school that no one had picked up their children. Her husband rushed to the school and when he and their children got home they found Meredith passed out on the bed with an empty wine bottle on the nightstand.
Meredith’s husband had suspected there was a problem, but the day’s events removed any doubt and he decided that action had to be taken. That evening he went online looking for solutions and through a series of phone calls was introduced to South Florida Intervention.
I spoke with Brian for over an hour about his concerns and uncovered why he was reluctant to send his wife to treatment. He feared Meredith would feel betrayed, or be so angry at him their relationship would never be the same even if she stopped drinking.
Having heard these concerns before I explained addiction is a brain disease, just like cancer or diabetes, and it was very rare for someone addicted to a substance to simply stop drinking or quit using without professional help. Intervening on an addicted family member is doing what is medically necessary. I suggested that he wouldn’t hesitate to get her help if she were diagnosed with another disease and that addiction is no different.
I explained that Meredith’s initial reaction to the intervention, and having to go to treatment, may be anger stemmed from shame and embarrassment. However, after being sober for a short time she would understand the necessity of his actions.
After meeting with Brian and Meredith’s family we began planning an intervention. We agreed our approach would consist of love and kindness bolstered with strong boundaries. We discussed consequences in the event that she refused treatment.
On the afternoon of the intervention the family was prepared for what was to come. We worked closely together discussing treatment options and answering any anticipated objections Meredith would have.
When Meredith entered the room I stood up and introduced myself. I asked if she knew why her family was there that afternoon. “I suspect it has something to do with me forgetting to pick-up the kids from school,” she said.
I didn’t directly respond to her answer though I indicated she was correct. I told Meredith everybody was there because they loved her and wanted her to get help for her drinking.
The family read the intervention letters we prepared and Meredith cried during some and laughed during others. Each letter ended with a plea for her to accept help immediately.
When the circle was complete we sat and waited for Meredith’s response. After a minute of silence I asked her what she was thinking.
Meredith said going to residential treatment is too big of a response for not picking up the kids one time at school. Not expecting her to accept treatment without a discussion I explained that forgetting the kids at school was part of a much larger picture. When I pressed her for more in depth history of her drinking her demeanor began softening.
I told Meredith the details of her drinking are not a necessary part of this discussion as long as she agreed to accept treatment that day. I asked her if she knew what treatment entailed; what she imagined it would be like. In her mind treatment seemed like a punishment for her being an alcoholic. I pulled a colorful brochure of the treatment center from my bag for her to see.
Meredith was visibility relieved to see what appeared to be a cross between a small college campus and a summer camp. I assured her I had brought many professionals to this treatment center and that none of them ever regretted being there.
It took little more discussion for Meredith to accept treatment and overcome her fear of the unknown. Once she accepted, the feeling of relief filled the room. We arranged for her to see the children before leaving and explained to them mommy was going on a work trip and she would come home as soon as her work was done. We knew addressing the children would be difficult for Meredith, so we thought it out carefully.
Meredith completed 30 days of residential treatment followed by 60 days of intensive outpatient treatment locally and individual therapy. She has been sober since completing treatment and attends AA meetings near her home in Washington, D.C.
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]]>Having once again completed detox for his addiction to heroin, Tyler contacted me about recovery coaching at the recommendation of a rehab center he once attended. Tyler had been to multiple treatment centers over the last ten years; every attempt at sobriety was followed by an even worse relapse. A cycle which is not uncommon for addicts.
I met Tyler for our first coaching session at a nearby Starbucks. We connected well, and our conversation about staying sober easily flowed back and forth. At the end of the hour, we agreed to meet again later that week at the same location. We also agreed he would attend a narcotics anonymous meeting that night.
Later that evening I received a panicked text followed by an equally frantic telephone call from Tyler saying he had tested positive for drugs and was immediately being removed from the sober house he'd been staying at. I was surprised because nothing about our earlier meeting indicated to me he was using or going to use. He already contacted me earlier to say he went to the meeting and everything was going well.
I later discovered Tyler never went to the meeting and instead bought heroin. Having to leave the sober house on the spot, he went to his girlfriend's house for the night. I contemplated this sudden turn of events before finally falling asleep. I wondered what I had missed earlier.
The next morning I contacted Tyler's parents to tell them what had transpired the night before. Despite being an adult I thought it was important to speak with his parents directly. They were disappointed but not surprised.
I told them I thought Tyler needed to be in treatment. He had been through several rehab programs before, so his parents were skeptical about there being anything different at another rehab center.
I suggested they consider sending him to Alina Lodge; a long-term rehab facility I had recently visited in New Jersey. Alina Lodge was started in 1957 and is one of the few places that has maintained its strict program and long lengths of stay, sometimes extending beyond twelve months. I told them that being at Alina Lodge changed the way I thought about treatment, and I no longer considered traditional models sufficient for chronic relapsers.
After speaking with the clinical team, Tyler's parents agreed Alina Lodge would be an appropriate placement for him.
Tyler was against going back to treatment and was determined to get sober himself in Florida. I told him this decision could affect the rest of his life, and that he needed to consider going to Alina Lodge. He had the opportunity to crush his addiction once and for all, or risk living with it forever.
I was also sure to ask “if you love your girlfriend as much as you expressed to me earlier then you would surely go back to treatment.” These concepts softened the blow of returning to rehab again. The conversation continued for a couple of hours later, over text, where Tyler finally agreed to go to Alina Lodge.
That Friday, I picked Tyler up at his girlfriend's house and brought him to the airport, so he could fly to New Jersey. I sent his mother pictures of Tyler boarding the plane and then of the plane leaving the gate. She was relieved to know he was safely en route.
Tyler is still at the beginning of his journey, and many obstacles lie ahead for him. He occasionally expresses a desire to skip out and return to his girlfriend in Florida. We remind him of the consequences such a decision would yield, and refocus him back on recovery.
CLIENT NAME: Tyler
AGE & GENDER: 26; Male
OCCUPATION: Waiter
DIAGNOSIS: Drug addict
TREATMENT: One year of residential treatment (ongoing)
CURRENT STATUS: In treatment
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]]>Jonathan had avoided a criminal record, despite having been pulled over for a traffic violation while driving under the influence. He was not what some may describe as a low bottom drunk, however, the quality of his life was on a consistent downward trajectory.
When South Florida Intervention was contacted to assist the family with intervention and getting Jonathan into treatment his life had become mostly isolated. Thirty pounds underweight, he could often be heard making statements regarding his persistent state of depression and hopelessness.
Through a series of interviews with family members and friends, South Florida Intervention was able to determine an ideal treatment setting for Jonathan in Arizona. The selected rehab center would ultimately provide Jonathan with a comfortable environment and a feeling of safety.
On the morning of the intervention, there was a palpable feeling of nervousness in the room. Some wondered aloud, “what if Jonathan refused to accept treatment”, or if he would be so overcome with anger that he would decide to cut off his family forever. The interventionist assured the family that, even if Jonathan was angry, he would eventually come to see the day's events as an act of love and kindness.
Jonathan entered the room as many in his condition do; surprised but not angry. The interventionist leads Jonathan to his seat, which had been reserved for him in between his parents and within arm's length of his ex-wife. Former spouses are a frequent fixture at interventions, because of the couple’s long history together and shared responsibility as co-parents.
He sat quietly and listened intently as the intervention letters were read. Jonathan nodded in agreement during the readings and even appeared to be at ease. While many interventions can be quite challenging, even when the addicted person desires help, it’s not uncommon for an individual to welcome the intervention and the forthcoming treatment.
In many cases, the addicted individual is so exhausted from years of hiding their addiction(s) that they are relieved when the time comes that they can finally relieve themselves of their double life. When this happens the weight of the world seems to melt off their shoulders and hope can be seen rushing back into their soul. Some people don’t even ask where or when they are going; they are simply ready.
Jonathan had a few questions, which the interventionist answered with ease as he was also a person in long-term recovery. Following the intervention, most of the family members hugged Jonathan and wished him well. He then quickly departed as instructed. Soon, the only people remaining were the interventionist and Jonathan’s ex-wife; who stayed to help him pack a suitcase.
An hour later Jonathan and the interventionist were in an Uber en route to the airport. In the car they shared stories and got to know each other. Before long they arrived at the rehab center outside of Phoenix where Jonathan was admitted.
During his 60 days in treatment, Jonathan experienced several ups and downs. He confronted problems that had long been suppressed by alcohol and denial. Treatment is never easy for anyone and requires a lot of hard work.
Fast forward three years later and Jonathan is sober and excelling personally and professionally. He sees his children almost every weekend and, if he’s not traveling for work, usually once during the week. When you ask Jonathan about the person he was before, he always says, it’s funny, I couldn’t even imagine picking up a drink today.
CLIENT NAME: Jonathan
AGE & GENDER: 46; Male
OCCUPATION: Journalist
DIAGNOSIS: Alcoholic
TREATMENT: 60 days of residential
CURRENT STATUS: Sober
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